I Carry the Universe on my Shoulder

Dear James and Miriam,

I am a 26 year old, female, Amerasian, tall and good looking, and so confused.  My best  friend who used to be my boyfriend just left in order to start life anew in the rural areas without me, without anyone.  He is a foreigner.  I met him when I was a high school student. He promised we will be together 'til death do us part, and we decided to start a new business together.  He bought a building and had me as the owner of the building in all the legal papers as foreigners are not allowed to buy real estate properties here in the Philippines. He opened a girlie bar in the first floor of that building, and hotel rooms on the 2nd and 3rd floors.  We tried to make our business flourish.  We worked day and night for our business.  The girls that my boyfriend hired as dancers and waitresses also worked hard to seduce my boyfriend until one of them succeeded.  They became 'steady' too.  I was so devastated, I started working as a sex worker in his bar until I met an older man who took me away from the bar.  The relationship did not last.  Three more men came and went in my life.  The reason my relationship don't last is because they can't keep up with my family's expenses.  I am the sole breadwinner of our family.  My mother, an ex bar girl stays at home now, and I also send my 23-year-old brother to school. My mother and I started several home businesses but they failed.  My brother is too lazy to do his school work and is still finishing his high school.  I have not finished high school as I have to earn a living for my family. 
One of my conditions with any of the men who has relationship with me is that they also provide for my family.  They don't seem to understand the Filipino value of helping out the family. .  My first boyfriend and I became friends again after his failed relationships with several other girls after me.   The building he bought is still in my name and he has entrusted me to be the building administrator as he is having the building for rent now.  I feel sad that things did not work out between the two of us.  I feel sad that after our strings of relationships with other people both of us are still loveless and looking.  I have lost interest with men, my only concern now is earning for my family. I will be working again as a sex worker.  I feel old, I feel like changing gender, I would like a change of lifestyle too as my ex boyfriend is doing now, but I have a big responsibility to earn for my family.  What shall I do? 

Trina, the Woman Atlas

From James:

Dear Trina,

You don't have to change gender in order to change your luck. What you have to change is your family's treatment of you as the beast of burden.   Is your mother too old to move or is she invalid? If she is not, she could still work - maybe not as a bar girl or sex worker but other kind of jobs like sales girl, housekeeper, or market vendor, etc.  Your 23-year-old brother could take care of himself too, and could maybe help your mom and you too, even without him finishing college.  He could work and study at the same time if he likes. 
We foreigners don't relish providing for the whole family of our wife or girlfriend especially so if they could fend for themselves.  We encourage financial independence and responsibility.  Be assertive to your family.  Discuss with your family ways they could help themselves.  Give them a time frame in order for them to be financially independent.  You have to live life for yourself too.  In order for you to help others you must help yourself first. Don't sabotage a chance of a happy relationship by having your boyfriend provide for your family.

James

From Mirriam:

Dear Trina,

My heart goes out to you.  It must be sad to see the old boyfriend go.  You are still lucky as he gave you the responsibility as the building administrator.  You are earning money as such, right?  If you don't, you must ask for your rightful commission or salary. 
Yes, as James said, you must discuss with your family that you can not be the bread winner for the whole family.  You could help them now and then, but you should assert that each one of you should earn a living and be financially independent. Tell your brother to take responsibility.  Have your mom understand that in order for you and everyone to progress is for each one of you  to  have a source of income.  If she is not good in being a business woman, she could work as an employee.   Go away if you could in order for your message to your family to sink in.   They will not die of hunger, they could fend for themselves.  Continue your studies if you can.  You are still young and many opportunities could come your way.  I wish you lots of luck and God's blessings.

Mirriam