Dear James and Mirriam,
My husband and I have just gotten married, and we are relatively new in this town. I have a new ‘friend’ who turned nasty recently. l added her to my Facebook friends list and recently, one of my old friends e mailed me, told me to check my FB account. This new ‘friend’ gave nasty comments to my pictures. To her, it may be funny, but I and my friends find them insulting and berating. For example, on one of the group picture with my family, she wrote, you are the only person who look different here, “are you an illegitimate child?”. To my husband’s picture at the beach, she wrote, “who is this squid?”, etc. I called her attention to it, e mailed her telling her I don’t like her comments. She apologized and gave me the excuse that she lacked sleep and it affected her judgment. She encouraged me to post more pictures so she could give nice comments. She was also thankful that I called her attention to it, and of course I was happy that I was able to “teach” or help someone to have better manners. I posted some more pictures, and the next comment she gave was, “ You’re hugging a tree, have you mistaken it for Carl, bwahaha” (Carl is my husband), and to my picture, “that’s a cool pose, go ahead and use this pose to more of your pictures, bwahaha”. I am so annoyed with her comments that I deleted her on my FB friends list. I had a showbiz career until I got married, and I know how to pose, I know my good angles, etc. I don’t ‘project’ my showbiz career, I am not a dummy either, and modesty aside, in the looks department, I could still turn heads or cause huge traffic congestion if I come out with my movie star image, lol My husband said that I was unreasonably mean for deleting the nasty friend on my FB friends list. My husband and I did not talk for hours because of this. This nasty friend also sent me SMS reminding me how friends should be supportive of each other, etc. I sent back the SMS to her, telling her that I advise her the same and each time she’ll be mean to me, I will keep sending her the same SMS. She responded that maybe for now, we should avoid seeing each other. I totally agree to that. I know some common friends who don’t talk to her too. Her ploy is to act humble, give gifts of food and travel suvenirs, ‘court’ a person until they become ‘close’ friends, and then the shit hits the fan. She’ll start the verbal abuse to her best friend, which to her is funny. Comments that would annoy or embarrass the person in front of everyone, “What’s your secret, you’ve gained much weight. Maybe you’ve been gobbling too much food, hahaha, ” or to a woman friend who is working out in a gym, “your nails are so pudgy and your shoulders are so broad, you look like a boxer, hahaha’, and to someone in a party, “you don’t know how to use the proper utensils at all. Here, use this fork instead of that knife, hahaha”. I don’t mean to be nasty myself, but she should look at herself in the mirror and she’ll see a pregnant cow. She is old enough to be my mother, she acts and talks like a know-it-all person, giving the impression that she is looking down at you. She has pretensions of being a chef in foreign lands when in fact she worked only as a housemaid in
Dear Young Wife,
I don’t know what to tell you, this women meanness to each other baffles me, especially how a woman who looks like a pregnant cow be berating others for their looks. Send her a gift - a mirror. If that does not work, just punch her on her nose, that a language she’ll understand.
Dear young wife,
I think your nasty friend has a psychological problem. It could be that she has experienced this kind of abuse when she was young, and she may not understand why she is sabotaging her relationship with her friends. You are so gracious as to try to teach her good manners but she needs professional help. I agree with your decision in deleting her from your Facebook friends list. She has psychological problem and it’s not going away until she acknowledges she has this problem and would want to be treated. For now, it’s best to ignore her nasty comments, and to avoid ‘real’ conversation with her. You could say hi or hello, and goodbye in appropriate times, but not more than that. She will try to win you back and when you are happy in your friendship, the vicious cycle will start anew. Save your sanity, you can’t treat a person’s personality disorder despite your good intentions. Smile and be pleasant but be firm in your decision in not going back to the old friendship routine.